That all of us women love clothes shopping is a generally accepted idea, and granted, some do. I don’t happen to fall into this bunch however, and after chatting with the gal pals, it turns out I’m not alone. If you ask me, there is a reason the words retail therapy are in that order, because we’re in need of therapy after the retail part. So here are 10 reasons why not all women love shopping:
1. Changing Room Lighting: At no other time in life does mere lighting make your body look 30 years older, and yet, there you are, looking at your 50 year old self after 4 babies and apparently now suffering from jaundice.
2. Patronizing Staff: Oh hello nice Topshop lady, it’s me, an indisputable member of your demographic who is about to part with a hefty sum of money in your store. Okay, don’t say hi back. In fact, just sneer at me until I want to go and die in a hole, that’s fine too.
3. Jeans: Dear jeans designers of the world. You can have a bum and a waist as well. Just gonna throw that out there.
4.Temperature Control: In the middle of winter you need your coat and scarf just to make it between each shop alive, but once you get in there, you get so hot you simply have to leave. It’s a lose-lose situation.
5. Sizing: The Boyf once asked me in a shop what size I was, naively expecting a one word answer. “Well on top sometimes I’m a this, or a this, or on a bad day a this, on bottom I’m a this, or a this, and on a good day even a this, and in this shop I’m a this, but in that shop I’m a THIS (so I refuse to shop there) – but all this is subject to change so I always take at least 3 sizes of everything to try on. You okay to hold the bags and wait for me here? I won’t be long”.
6. The Sale Comedown: I am always falling into the sale rail trap. A sale rail? I’m BOUND to find a bargainous beauty that was made for me. Oh no, that’s right, it’s just a collection of gawdy, scary, ‘designer’ pieces that anyone would look tragic in who was not a size 6, over 6 foot tall, and on a catwalk. And even then she would look pretty daft. Things are in the sale for a reason. Instead of SALE RAIL, repeat to yourself BARGE POLE.
7. Parting with Cash: One day I hope to be able to blow £29.99 on a jumper and think nothing of it. But whilst I’m on a student budget, a tag that says £29.99 might as well say ‘2 weekly food shops, A month of bills, or 30 shots on student night!’ I just can’t bring myself to do it.
8. Changing Room Curtains: So much cubicle. So little curtain.
9. The Inexplicable Exhaustion: You’ve only walked round a few shops in perfectly comfortable shoes and bought a few clothes, so why does it feel like you’re half way through a hike, whilst carrying dumbbells, whilst wearing stilettos?
10. The Queues: You’ve finally found what you were looking for, you’ve tried it on and it fits, you’ve got the buzz you’ve been searching for all day. Then you see the queue. Forget it, you’re putting it back.